How do we maintain a healthy view of our self-worth?
I think it is safe to say, first, that we all, as humans, have intrinsic worth because we were created in the image of God. We wear the stamp of divinity. More than anything else in creation, we resemble God.
Further than that, God likes us. He has a unique love for each of us and He finds joy in all the various idiosyncrasies and mannerisms that we find awkward or alienating. We matter to Him and He delights in who we are. We are all uniquely special to Him, not just as a collective humanity. He chooses us, because He wants us, not because He is obligated to love us even though we might feel unlikable. I think that our over-use of "For God so loved the world" has cheapened the depth and reality of God's love for us. I know for me, it has been a slow process that is still on-going, to believe that God's love is real and personal, not just something He has to do because "God is love". When I really focus on the attention that the God of the universe places on me... I am deeply humbled, comforted and grateful. What is man, that He should notice us? But He does... and His first thought and feeling towards us is infinite tenderness...
Unfortunately, most of us can't hang on to those thoughts consistently. I know I don't. Instead, I am prone to wander, letting my gaze shift to seeking validation from my peers and relationships. And when I do that, I become a taker, not a giver. That's what I'm wrestling with right now. How do I find my self-worth and identity in God? Because when I don't, I start to become insecure, wrestling deeply with whether or not I have anything worth giving to people. I become a slave to being liked. And all my energy goes into performing, jumping through hoops to stay on everyone's good side. That's exhausting.
The more dangerous part, it seems, is to approach dating relationships with this kinda of gaping hole in my self-image. I haven't figured that out yet, so it makes me very, very cautious and hesitant to even consider "getting back on the horse". I have hurt so many girls, because I have blindly stepped into relationships without a firm sense of who I am. I've let their interest in me or affirmation of me soothe my insecurities and validate me, only to find that's a bottomless pit. Oh, to know then what I know now. How many hearts would not be broken? I can say this with confidence: If we try to feel okay about ourselves by being in a relationship, we're setting ourselves up for deep pain. And further than the personal pain we will cause ourselves and that special someone, we are setting that relationship up to be completely narcissistic and impotent for furthering the kingdom of God... It seems so easy to say, but how difficult to live out! Everything about our culture, even within the Church, places so much emphasis on finding a spouse. And it's complicated further because it is a God-given desire for most of us!
I'm pretty sure I will one day be a better husband and father if I learn to daily rest in who I am to God and find my identity in Jesus Christ. Then, from within that deep love and affirmation from the God will never leave me or forsake me, I'll be safe and free to spend my life being vulnerable and trusting and sacrificing, not needing so desperately for people to make me feel liked...
I am treasured by God. So are you. Maybe we need to tell each other this more often, for the times we forget...
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