Hearing God

I started reading Dallas Willard's Hearing God, and only on the first page, it was piercing through me, directly to the pains and confusions that have surrounded this idea in my life for years. Here's part of the first page of the preface:

Among our loneliest moments, no doubt, is the time of decision. There the weight of our future life clamps down upon our hearts. Whatever comes from our choice will be our responsibility, our fault. Good things we have set our hearts on become real only as we choose them. But those things, or those as yet undreamed of, may also be irretrievably lost if our choices are misguided. We may find ourselves stuck with failures and dreadful consequences that must be endured for a lifetime.

Then quickly there follows the time of second thoughts—and third, and fourth: Did I do the good and wise thing? Is it what God wanted? Is it even what I wanted? Can I live with the consequences? Will others think I am a fool? Is God still with me? Will he be with me even if it becomes clear that I made the wrong choice?

As soon as I read that part, I admit, I had tears running down my face. Those questions are the exact ones that plague me constantly. I'm not sure how I got to this spot, so haunted by what-ifs, so fearful of an unknown future resting on my ignorant decisions. But I'm really looking forward to reading this book. I'll keep you posted on how it goes.