We've all heard someone say it.
Strangely, after hearing someone prodded towards a particular decision with this phrase, I got lost in my own world of wondering why we say that so flippantly, whether we really believe it and if it was really true, how our lives would be so drastically different.
You only live once.
If people really believed that there is nothing after death, then yes, do what you want, try new things, take risks (calculated ones—don't want to accidentally end it too early), because we live one life and then we die. Others of us believe there is, in fact, something after death, another life. So, we shouldn't use the phrase, technically, because we're advocating behavior based on something that we don't actually believe. Am I splitting hairs? Or do we, in practice, show that we don't really believe as confidently as we'd like to? Or that the life to come is somehow going to be limited or diminished in its potential for Life, resulting in an urgency to try things and do things in the moment in this life, since the opportunity in the next won't be there? Do we think it will be boring? Or has this phrase just come to embody the warning against procrastination that means we may miss opportunities in this life that won't repeat themselves? That's probably it, though you would think we'd come up with a different phrase, like, "Chances don't come twice." or something like that. We tie it to living and imply that after death, live won't be as vibrant or exciting.
You only live once.
I guess it just gets me, because I rarely think about heaven. Do you? Do any of us who profess to be Christians? Is it just wishful-thinking for the oppressed and suffering? I don't think it is. I think there is something True behind our desires for peace, and love and the absence of pain and suffering, etc. Our desire for perfection and our sense of the way things ought to be, I believe, does, in fact, come from a time and reality somehow outside our own in which all things are set right and made to be as they should be. I guess that's why that phrase, "You only live once" got under my skin tonight. This life is hard. It's complex, painful and confusing. And that phrase just sounds like grabbing at what little happiness you can get in the moment, because, despite all the pain, this life is our only shot at feeling alive and whatever comes after won't really live up to our expectations. Certain seasons of life make it hard to take your eyes off yourself to see what's going on around you, let alone what might go on after we die.
As a Christian, technically I believe we live twice. We don't know exactly what the next life will be like. A long boring church service? Floating through white, puffy clouds? Playing football and golf forever? A big, happy family reunion? Procreating with virgins to fill our own planet? A happily ever after where we know and feel and experience the deep, abiding love of our Creator and Savior and Lover and King that never wavers, in which we are utterly free with child-like wonder to explore and learn and grow and create and love with no bounds and no worries and no fears and no pain?...
If we really believe that last picture of heaven is mostly accurate, shouldn't it affect our lives more? It doesn't seem to, at least not in our daily actions and interactions. Is that a unfair expectation (I realize I have a lot of those when it comes to spiritual things...)? Why do we live with such a limited, near-sighted vision of this life and the one to come? I would think, if we truly believed heaven to be all the good, beauty and truth that this life has to offer only more so and perfected experience, we would live differently. Obviously, like Paul said, it would be better to be with Jesus, but killing ourselves to get there earlier seems... counter-intuitive or sabotaging... leaving the option of living THIS life in a particular way. What way? What is the proper way to live this life that is an appropriate response to the desire and hope of the better life to come?
Perhaps that's where C.S. Lewis' observation rings true, that with every decision, we are becoming a creature more fit for heaven or a creature more fit for hell... So, as I anxiously await that happily ever after, is the point of this life to teach us how live within heaven's kingdom? Or simply for us to tell other people to cry out to Jesus to save them so they can go there, too, leaving us scurrying for converts so we can feel like we're succeeding?
I am currently wrestling with finding some purpose in life, if you can't tell =)
It's late. Thanks for reading... Goodnight!
Thursday, October 29, 2009
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
Distrusting God
I haven't been doing much thinking of any kind lately since I've been sick for almost a week now, with some kind of bronchial infection, but medicine is bringing back mental clarity along with the good health, so it's time for another blog post.
The quote above really hits home for me. I can see, from experiences I've had, that I have had those same questions whispered to me in the dark, from the imperceptible corners of circumstances, causing me to build up walls to protect myself from being abandoned or betrayed by the God I thought loved me or would care for me.
So now, I am trying to slide out from underneath those questions and deceptions, and at some base level, come honestly to God. I don't want to simply shake my fist in frustration or hunker down for the long winter of resignation to fear and uncertainty. I don't want to assume that I know what's best, but at the same time, I want to hold up my experiences to the light and be honest with God with the situations that have left me confused at His inactivity or doubtful of His love. I'm not sure where this will go. I'm not sure if I'll have some grand epiphany where God explains the mysteries of pain to me, but I figure it's a start. And hopefully, at some base level, coming to God honestly is showing a sign of trust that matters to Him. That He won't squash us in His wrath when we can't see clearly what He's doing and when it hurts and He didn't seem to do anything about it.
It's a weird thing, to hope that God is how I hope He is. Somewhere beneath the surface, there is this deep hope that God is infinitely understanding and forgiving and merciful. A hope that our questions don't piss Him off. That our doubts, though they might sting a little, don't send God into a fit of wrath where He sadistically plots our punishment at the moment when we least expect it. The vengeful, wrathful God of the Old Testament seems so radically different from Jesus, that it is still hard at times to hope that God is tender towards us and infinitely patient with our struggles. Not our habitual sin, but the fears and doubts and questions and confusions that life keeps bogging us down with...
The Bible says God is love. I really hope that's true...
“Satan came into the Garden and whispered to Adam and Eve—and in them, to all of us—‘You cannot trust the heart of God . . . he’s holding out on you . . . you’ve got to take matters under your control.’ He sowed the seed of mistrust in our hearts; he tempted us to seize control.I am finding this to be true. I understand that we all have differing beliefs and experiences regarding the supernatural and spiritual warfare, but along with believing in God's existence, it is logical for me to believe in the existence of a real personal evil being, which the Bible calls Satan. For me at this point, it's just acknowledging that there is a real presence of evil in the world, apart from humanity's imperfections, that is actively working to keep us from experiencing God and all the good, beautiful and truthful expressions of Him in the world. In the quote above, I think Eldridge really captures the root of the story in Genesis of the fall of mankind. The questions that the serpent posed to Eve, "Did God really say...?" aren't blatant attacks on the character of God. The serpent didn't pop out of the bushes, apparently, and say, "God is evil!" or "Worship me instead of God!" ... the serpent simply, innocently asked Eve to double-check what she thought was true. Are you sure God has your best interest at heart? And faced with that uncertainty, the uncertainty that is necessary and inescapable in a free world with love as the ultimate goal, Adam and Eve decided to make a backup plan and chose to err on the side of caution, just in case God was lying or wouldn't take care of them.
It’s the same lie he is using in your life today, by the way: “Trusting God is way too risky. You’re far too vulnerable. Rewrite the Story. Give yourself a better part. Arrange for your own happiness. Disregard him.”
(Epic , 54, 55)
The quote above really hits home for me. I can see, from experiences I've had, that I have had those same questions whispered to me in the dark, from the imperceptible corners of circumstances, causing me to build up walls to protect myself from being abandoned or betrayed by the God I thought loved me or would care for me.
So now, I am trying to slide out from underneath those questions and deceptions, and at some base level, come honestly to God. I don't want to simply shake my fist in frustration or hunker down for the long winter of resignation to fear and uncertainty. I don't want to assume that I know what's best, but at the same time, I want to hold up my experiences to the light and be honest with God with the situations that have left me confused at His inactivity or doubtful of His love. I'm not sure where this will go. I'm not sure if I'll have some grand epiphany where God explains the mysteries of pain to me, but I figure it's a start. And hopefully, at some base level, coming to God honestly is showing a sign of trust that matters to Him. That He won't squash us in His wrath when we can't see clearly what He's doing and when it hurts and He didn't seem to do anything about it.
It's a weird thing, to hope that God is how I hope He is. Somewhere beneath the surface, there is this deep hope that God is infinitely understanding and forgiving and merciful. A hope that our questions don't piss Him off. That our doubts, though they might sting a little, don't send God into a fit of wrath where He sadistically plots our punishment at the moment when we least expect it. The vengeful, wrathful God of the Old Testament seems so radically different from Jesus, that it is still hard at times to hope that God is tender towards us and infinitely patient with our struggles. Not our habitual sin, but the fears and doubts and questions and confusions that life keeps bogging us down with...
The Bible says God is love. I really hope that's true...
Monday, October 19, 2009
Reason vs. Emotion
I'm learning that most of our rational or intellectual hangups about God are rarely the issue. I mean, if God was able to be comprehended completely by simply using reason and logic, I think a far greater number of people would believe and follow Him. There's a lot of smart people out there! But that's not how we relate to each other, so I'm beginning to see that we don't relate to God that way either, try as we might. The way we know a person is completely different from the way we know our way home or how to do long division (if we remember how!)...
The real issue that we have with God is when He doesn't do things that we think He's supposed to. I'm not even meaning that we think we know better than Him and He should do things our way. I'm talking about the times when our experiences with God and the things we've been taught about God have lead us to expect certain things from Him, or to assume He interacts with the world a particular way. And when He doesn't, it hurts. It confuses us. I thought God cared. I thought if I trusted Him, this wouldn't happen to me. So, in an effort to understand our pain and confusion, we start deconstructing the things we thought were true. And this is dangerous territory, I think, because as I believe God is real, then I must logically allow for the devil and fallen angels and spirits to be real. In the midst of pain, we can succumb to all sorts of deceptions and false conclusions. Sure, God loves the world, but I guess He doesn't really love me. Something must be wrong with me that this happened. Maybe I deserved it. Maybe God just doesn't care. I guess I'm alone in this. We take concepts that we were taught to be true, like that God is good, and let our experiences become the deciding evidences. At least, that's what I tend to do.
And so, without going into detail, I have realized that my intellectual hesitations are probably just defense mechanisms to bury or distract myself from unhealed emotional pain. I feel like this is a good first step. To realize this, that is. The next step seems to be allowing myself to feel the weight of that brokenness and crying out to God, by being honest.
I'm thankful for friends who are walking with me through these things and praying for me.
The real issue that we have with God is when He doesn't do things that we think He's supposed to. I'm not even meaning that we think we know better than Him and He should do things our way. I'm talking about the times when our experiences with God and the things we've been taught about God have lead us to expect certain things from Him, or to assume He interacts with the world a particular way. And when He doesn't, it hurts. It confuses us. I thought God cared. I thought if I trusted Him, this wouldn't happen to me. So, in an effort to understand our pain and confusion, we start deconstructing the things we thought were true. And this is dangerous territory, I think, because as I believe God is real, then I must logically allow for the devil and fallen angels and spirits to be real. In the midst of pain, we can succumb to all sorts of deceptions and false conclusions. Sure, God loves the world, but I guess He doesn't really love me. Something must be wrong with me that this happened. Maybe I deserved it. Maybe God just doesn't care. I guess I'm alone in this. We take concepts that we were taught to be true, like that God is good, and let our experiences become the deciding evidences. At least, that's what I tend to do.
And so, without going into detail, I have realized that my intellectual hesitations are probably just defense mechanisms to bury or distract myself from unhealed emotional pain. I feel like this is a good first step. To realize this, that is. The next step seems to be allowing myself to feel the weight of that brokenness and crying out to God, by being honest.
I'm thankful for friends who are walking with me through these things and praying for me.
Friday, October 16, 2009
Yes, I Love Technology, Always and Forever
A long time ago, I wrote this song lyric:
Now, admittedly, technology is also doing a lot of good, so just railing against technology as a blanket statement is not fair. It is amazing to think about how quickly technology has advanced, even over the past ten years, and what is has done to our communication landscape. Letters have become emails, discussions at the coffee shop have become online message boards, chat rooms (does anyone use them anymore?) have become comments back and forth on Facebook and casual interactions with the people you see daily have expanded exponentially to all the people you know or have ever known, through text messages, Facebook status updates and Tweets. Now we just post things about ourselves and hope people notice us by commenting on them. It seems like the whole cultural landscape has become so narcissistic. I confess, I'm tempted these days to delete my Facebook account, and at least retreat technologically back to communicating through email.
Is this technology creep we see in our communication a good thing? Text messages are definitely convenient, but is the convenience worth the way it cheapens conversation and relationships to a simple exchange of information or answer to a question? I completely admit how quick and easy a text message is and all the instances where it seems to be a benefit. But I can also think of the countless times where it is easier to text someone and get a short response, rather than engaging them and having a conversation.
I think why this has been on my mind lately is that time is so fleeting and hard to find. We are so busy with life and are living at such a high speed that we need our communications to keep up. We are so busy with work and tasks, that we are squeezing people in and around the things we have to do. I don't think this is a good trend. The car has become when most of my phone calls and text messages happen. Which means, for the bulk of my communications, I'm sitting by myself, rather than with the person I'm communicating with... so I lose tone of voice, body language, etc.
What can we do to slow things down? I know some people that don't get text messages on their phones... And there are still the few hold-outs that don't have Facebook...
Maybe we should go back to letter-writing?
"Little plastic boxes pressed to our heads
Sending through space all the things that we've said
Now we may never lose touch,
But we forget how to feel
Deceiving ourselves that that contact is real
Technology is winning..."
Now, admittedly, technology is also doing a lot of good, so just railing against technology as a blanket statement is not fair. It is amazing to think about how quickly technology has advanced, even over the past ten years, and what is has done to our communication landscape. Letters have become emails, discussions at the coffee shop have become online message boards, chat rooms (does anyone use them anymore?) have become comments back and forth on Facebook and casual interactions with the people you see daily have expanded exponentially to all the people you know or have ever known, through text messages, Facebook status updates and Tweets. Now we just post things about ourselves and hope people notice us by commenting on them. It seems like the whole cultural landscape has become so narcissistic. I confess, I'm tempted these days to delete my Facebook account, and at least retreat technologically back to communicating through email.
Is this technology creep we see in our communication a good thing? Text messages are definitely convenient, but is the convenience worth the way it cheapens conversation and relationships to a simple exchange of information or answer to a question? I completely admit how quick and easy a text message is and all the instances where it seems to be a benefit. But I can also think of the countless times where it is easier to text someone and get a short response, rather than engaging them and having a conversation.
I think why this has been on my mind lately is that time is so fleeting and hard to find. We are so busy with life and are living at such a high speed that we need our communications to keep up. We are so busy with work and tasks, that we are squeezing people in and around the things we have to do. I don't think this is a good trend. The car has become when most of my phone calls and text messages happen. Which means, for the bulk of my communications, I'm sitting by myself, rather than with the person I'm communicating with... so I lose tone of voice, body language, etc.
What can we do to slow things down? I know some people that don't get text messages on their phones... And there are still the few hold-outs that don't have Facebook...
Maybe we should go back to letter-writing?
Thursday, October 15, 2009
Your Feedback and God's Goodness
I know there are 7 of you following this blog. Do you check back often to read posts or check if I've posted new ones? Let me know!
I hesitate to post this post, for I have a feeling it will sadden or frustrate some of you... But I'd rather not have these thoughts rattling around in my head alone... Welcome to my over-thinking.
In my current phase of life, I am wrestling with the idea of God's goodness. Some people claim that simply by knowing that God sent His son to die for us is all the proof we need. For them, that settles it and anything that questions that is ingratitude and heresy. Some people look to the bulk of life in general, and are thankful for all the basic normal things in life that are so easily "taken for granted". You woke up today. You can breathe without intense pain in your lungs. You can get out of bed without someone's assistance. You are rich enough to afford transportation to a job that many people don't have right now. You know how to use a computer and you aren't blind and are able to read this blog post. There is no end to the mundane aspects of life that, if taken away, we would be worse off without. This is all attributed to the goodness of God, or His infinite patience and mercy. And since we are so evil and vile, it is purely mercy that God doesn't torture us instead as punishment for our depravity. The latter form of gratitude borders on obligation, when contrasted with how wicked and undeserving we apparently are.
I can see truths hidden in both of these concepts. It makes sense to me to have a sense of appreciation and gratitude for the basics of life, that for some, are a luxury. I don't want to take things for granted. And believing that God sacrificed His own son to reconcile us to Himself is such an extreme example of selfless love. Believing God would go to that length to provide salvation to us is deeply humbling.
So that brings us to the present. There is a tension between experience and what I mostly believe to be true. Unanswered prayers, confusion, fear, deep emotional pain... all these things scream out for explanation. Why does God seem inactive or passive? Why doesn't He communicate clearly if these situations are supposed to teach us something? Why doesn't He empower us to overcome the things in us the bind us and frustrate us? Why does He allow the devil and other evil spirits (if that is a legitimate factor in why life hasn't turned out like we want it to) to defeat us? Why does He allow fears and insecurities and emotional wounds to go unhealed?
I'm not sure. But that's the root of why I am wrestling with God's goodness. I want to believe that He is good. This is not my attempt at throwing off the shackles of religion so I can do what I want. These questions are at the heart of the gospel. I suppose, in some sense, I don't trust God. At least not for healing. Not for interaction. I can trust that Jesus died 2000 years ago and that God wants us to trust Him that we can't earn salvation and must risk and trust that Jesus' death covers our sins and makes us right with God. But that feels worlds different from trusting God in the face of constant disappointment, unmet desires and ongoing captivity to fear, confusion and over-thinking.
Someone suggested maybe I've never actually experienced God as He truly is. Maybe the version of God that I'm so frustrated by and feel abandoned/neglected by isn't the real God? Maybe the church I grew up in painted a picture of God that was distorted and untrue. An idol, a facsimile. It is hard to say at this point.
I'm not giving up on this yet. I'm just trying to be honest with my feelings, thoughts and questions, while not losing sight of the fact that I am human, and therefore, I do not know everything. I understand and submit to the fact that God IS higher and more transcendent than I am. He does not have to do things my way, because my way is decidedly myopic. But I can't avoid the parts of me that feel broken, or the silence and frustration with the idea of a personal relationship with God. I can't pretend that those things don't haunt me and wear me down.
I'm trying to find hope that God still has mercy towards us, even if we feel like we're losing sight of who He really is. I hope He understands, in this fallen, broken world, how difficult it is for some of us to believe and trust Him. It would be nice to shut off this brain and just simply believe everything. That'd be a hell of a lot easier. Thinking through all this stuff feels like such a burden, but I don't know how to shut it off.
Or maybe it's not a head issue? Maybe it's a heart issue and my heart is unwilling to risk trusting God... maybe I'm too afraid that He will let me down and disappoint... and if God lets us down... what then? There's no safety net after that.
And maybe these posts are too vulnerable and incriminating for the interwebs?! DANG.
I hesitate to post this post, for I have a feeling it will sadden or frustrate some of you... But I'd rather not have these thoughts rattling around in my head alone... Welcome to my over-thinking.
In my current phase of life, I am wrestling with the idea of God's goodness. Some people claim that simply by knowing that God sent His son to die for us is all the proof we need. For them, that settles it and anything that questions that is ingratitude and heresy. Some people look to the bulk of life in general, and are thankful for all the basic normal things in life that are so easily "taken for granted". You woke up today. You can breathe without intense pain in your lungs. You can get out of bed without someone's assistance. You are rich enough to afford transportation to a job that many people don't have right now. You know how to use a computer and you aren't blind and are able to read this blog post. There is no end to the mundane aspects of life that, if taken away, we would be worse off without. This is all attributed to the goodness of God, or His infinite patience and mercy. And since we are so evil and vile, it is purely mercy that God doesn't torture us instead as punishment for our depravity. The latter form of gratitude borders on obligation, when contrasted with how wicked and undeserving we apparently are.
I can see truths hidden in both of these concepts. It makes sense to me to have a sense of appreciation and gratitude for the basics of life, that for some, are a luxury. I don't want to take things for granted. And believing that God sacrificed His own son to reconcile us to Himself is such an extreme example of selfless love. Believing God would go to that length to provide salvation to us is deeply humbling.
So that brings us to the present. There is a tension between experience and what I mostly believe to be true. Unanswered prayers, confusion, fear, deep emotional pain... all these things scream out for explanation. Why does God seem inactive or passive? Why doesn't He communicate clearly if these situations are supposed to teach us something? Why doesn't He empower us to overcome the things in us the bind us and frustrate us? Why does He allow the devil and other evil spirits (if that is a legitimate factor in why life hasn't turned out like we want it to) to defeat us? Why does He allow fears and insecurities and emotional wounds to go unhealed?
I'm not sure. But that's the root of why I am wrestling with God's goodness. I want to believe that He is good. This is not my attempt at throwing off the shackles of religion so I can do what I want. These questions are at the heart of the gospel. I suppose, in some sense, I don't trust God. At least not for healing. Not for interaction. I can trust that Jesus died 2000 years ago and that God wants us to trust Him that we can't earn salvation and must risk and trust that Jesus' death covers our sins and makes us right with God. But that feels worlds different from trusting God in the face of constant disappointment, unmet desires and ongoing captivity to fear, confusion and over-thinking.
Someone suggested maybe I've never actually experienced God as He truly is. Maybe the version of God that I'm so frustrated by and feel abandoned/neglected by isn't the real God? Maybe the church I grew up in painted a picture of God that was distorted and untrue. An idol, a facsimile. It is hard to say at this point.
I'm not giving up on this yet. I'm just trying to be honest with my feelings, thoughts and questions, while not losing sight of the fact that I am human, and therefore, I do not know everything. I understand and submit to the fact that God IS higher and more transcendent than I am. He does not have to do things my way, because my way is decidedly myopic. But I can't avoid the parts of me that feel broken, or the silence and frustration with the idea of a personal relationship with God. I can't pretend that those things don't haunt me and wear me down.
I'm trying to find hope that God still has mercy towards us, even if we feel like we're losing sight of who He really is. I hope He understands, in this fallen, broken world, how difficult it is for some of us to believe and trust Him. It would be nice to shut off this brain and just simply believe everything. That'd be a hell of a lot easier. Thinking through all this stuff feels like such a burden, but I don't know how to shut it off.
Or maybe it's not a head issue? Maybe it's a heart issue and my heart is unwilling to risk trusting God... maybe I'm too afraid that He will let me down and disappoint... and if God lets us down... what then? There's no safety net after that.
And maybe these posts are too vulnerable and incriminating for the interwebs?! DANG.
Monday, October 5, 2009
The Big Three Oh
I am now 30 years old.
I still don't really feel like I know what I'm doing and haven't learned how to shut off my brain and just live in the moment. That makes strange distinction, implying one is either smart and self-aware OR one is dumb and just gives in to the current emotions, desires and impulses and makes decisions in the moment. That's not exactly what I meant.
I realize "30 is the new 20", which, honestly, doesn't do much for the sake of easing the mixed emotions of turning thirty. Our culture is drastically different from 2o or 30 years ago. With the internet, cell phones, video games, etc. our cultural landscape is and has shifted. Most of us are in a perpetual state of "arrested development" (Hey, that's the name of a show!) We are raised by our families and schools and churches to progress through the hoops of ever increasing levels and accomplishments. First day of school. Graduating middle school. Getting a driver's license. Graduating high school. Graduating college. Once you do that, get a job that pays your bills... and then? If you choose (or it works out in your favor that way), you can get married and have kids and become a bystander on their journey through those rites of passage... vicious circle.
What do you do once you've graduated from college and you have a job that pays the bills? The American Dream says get all you can to live comfortably and safely. Buy more stuff. That's just garbage. It doesn't make anyone happy, it just dulls the pain of not having a freakin' clue about what makes life worth living and how to find deep lasting satisfaction. But, if you can't put your finger on how to live, it's so easy to slide back into being comfortable. Settle for a nice, quiet life. Be content with that. Eat, drink and be happy.
Is that it? I know the book of Ecclesiastes concludes that about life, especially when you take God out of the picture. But that doesn't seem consistent with the whole of the Bible... if it that's simple... God wasted a whole hell of a lot of His and our time in preserving all these other things in the Bible... Christianity is obviously more than just eat, drink and be happy. Otherwise, Jesus wouldn't have had to come to earth and die on the cross, etc. That just wouldn't have been necessary...
Is it "telling people about Jesus"? Getting people "saved"? There's something so flat to that, in my experience. The church I grew up in lacked so much in terms of understanding the gospel in a holistic sense. They had no idea how to train disciples of Christ, they just knew how to make converts. I think this has been true of a lot of churches in America. That's not a huge stone that I'm throwing, because I know there's a lot of good intentions behind that. But just telling people that they are sinful and Jesus died to save them... seems shallow and irrelevant. Because, so if they say a prayer and believe what you scare them with, what then? You've now just created a Christian who is scared of hell and the whole of Christianity to them has been introduced to them as fire-insurance from hell that has NOTHING to say about regular day-to-day life. There's nothing loving... well, there's something loving in that, maybe, but it's so incomplete and insufficient at explaining the good news that Jesus Christ supposedly is...
All this is coming around to say this:
The culture around me gives an explanation for how to find life, the American Dream. Be selfish, greedy if necessary, to amass as much stuff as you can to live comfortably and safely and free from any kind of suffering.
The version of Christianity I've experienced for most of my life taught me that life is found in serving God by trying to get people saved, by telling them they are bound for hell unless they pray to receive Jesus as their Lord and Savior.
These two avenues for finding life are pathetically lacking. Jesus said, love God and love your neighbor as yourself. That seems a little more simple, yet powerful, and difficult to do. But it's a start... but that really just deals with the day to day living...
How do I understand where I am today? As a 30 year-old, what do I do with this desire for a tangible purpose? Try to silence it? That doesn't seem wise, responsible or plausible.
So, I guess that's what I'm questioning right now. What's the most important thing for me to be? To learn? To strive for? To do? I feel like I'm in a weird transition season of life, but transitioning to what?
I've read things by John Piper and others, who quote the Westminster Catechism, that says something like, the chief end of man is to glorify God and enjoy Him forever.
But what does that look like? How do we enjoy a God we don't see, taste, hear, touch or smell? How do we glorify a God that we barely understand or experience, who seems unkind or passive or cruel or altogether absent to so many?
These are just some of my questions at the beginning of my 4th decade on this ball of dirt spinning its way through the cosmos. Life is so short... What makes it count for something?
I still don't really feel like I know what I'm doing and haven't learned how to shut off my brain and just live in the moment. That makes strange distinction, implying one is either smart and self-aware OR one is dumb and just gives in to the current emotions, desires and impulses and makes decisions in the moment. That's not exactly what I meant.
I realize "30 is the new 20", which, honestly, doesn't do much for the sake of easing the mixed emotions of turning thirty. Our culture is drastically different from 2o or 30 years ago. With the internet, cell phones, video games, etc. our cultural landscape is and has shifted. Most of us are in a perpetual state of "arrested development" (Hey, that's the name of a show!) We are raised by our families and schools and churches to progress through the hoops of ever increasing levels and accomplishments. First day of school. Graduating middle school. Getting a driver's license. Graduating high school. Graduating college. Once you do that, get a job that pays your bills... and then? If you choose (or it works out in your favor that way), you can get married and have kids and become a bystander on their journey through those rites of passage... vicious circle.
What do you do once you've graduated from college and you have a job that pays the bills? The American Dream says get all you can to live comfortably and safely. Buy more stuff. That's just garbage. It doesn't make anyone happy, it just dulls the pain of not having a freakin' clue about what makes life worth living and how to find deep lasting satisfaction. But, if you can't put your finger on how to live, it's so easy to slide back into being comfortable. Settle for a nice, quiet life. Be content with that. Eat, drink and be happy.
Is that it? I know the book of Ecclesiastes concludes that about life, especially when you take God out of the picture. But that doesn't seem consistent with the whole of the Bible... if it that's simple... God wasted a whole hell of a lot of His and our time in preserving all these other things in the Bible... Christianity is obviously more than just eat, drink and be happy. Otherwise, Jesus wouldn't have had to come to earth and die on the cross, etc. That just wouldn't have been necessary...
Is it "telling people about Jesus"? Getting people "saved"? There's something so flat to that, in my experience. The church I grew up in lacked so much in terms of understanding the gospel in a holistic sense. They had no idea how to train disciples of Christ, they just knew how to make converts. I think this has been true of a lot of churches in America. That's not a huge stone that I'm throwing, because I know there's a lot of good intentions behind that. But just telling people that they are sinful and Jesus died to save them... seems shallow and irrelevant. Because, so if they say a prayer and believe what you scare them with, what then? You've now just created a Christian who is scared of hell and the whole of Christianity to them has been introduced to them as fire-insurance from hell that has NOTHING to say about regular day-to-day life. There's nothing loving... well, there's something loving in that, maybe, but it's so incomplete and insufficient at explaining the good news that Jesus Christ supposedly is...
All this is coming around to say this:
The culture around me gives an explanation for how to find life, the American Dream. Be selfish, greedy if necessary, to amass as much stuff as you can to live comfortably and safely and free from any kind of suffering.
The version of Christianity I've experienced for most of my life taught me that life is found in serving God by trying to get people saved, by telling them they are bound for hell unless they pray to receive Jesus as their Lord and Savior.
These two avenues for finding life are pathetically lacking. Jesus said, love God and love your neighbor as yourself. That seems a little more simple, yet powerful, and difficult to do. But it's a start... but that really just deals with the day to day living...
How do I understand where I am today? As a 30 year-old, what do I do with this desire for a tangible purpose? Try to silence it? That doesn't seem wise, responsible or plausible.
So, I guess that's what I'm questioning right now. What's the most important thing for me to be? To learn? To strive for? To do? I feel like I'm in a weird transition season of life, but transitioning to what?
I've read things by John Piper and others, who quote the Westminster Catechism, that says something like, the chief end of man is to glorify God and enjoy Him forever.
But what does that look like? How do we enjoy a God we don't see, taste, hear, touch or smell? How do we glorify a God that we barely understand or experience, who seems unkind or passive or cruel or altogether absent to so many?
These are just some of my questions at the beginning of my 4th decade on this ball of dirt spinning its way through the cosmos. Life is so short... What makes it count for something?
Thursday, October 1, 2009
Body, Soul, Spirit
I have never taken the time to think through this much, and I'm not confident it is necessary, but I have been listening to a podcast of Peter Kreeft's and he explained that the body is our relation to the world, our soul is our relation to ourselves and others, and our spirit is our relation to God.
I thought that was a pretty insightful explanation and support for the body/soul/spirit idea versus just the body/soul idea.
But like I said, practically speaking, I'm not aware of the immediate implications of believing one way or another...
I thought that was a pretty insightful explanation and support for the body/soul/spirit idea versus just the body/soul idea.
But like I said, practically speaking, I'm not aware of the immediate implications of believing one way or another...
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